A Deep Dive Into Self-Care
Self-care is a wonderful thing and something that we almost universally agree is not always easy for us to engage in. I believe a big part of that reason is because we keep getting bombarded with what self-care looks like and should be by social media and corporations.
Note the word “should” in the sentence above. Let’s take that out of the equation and simply ask ourselves, “What feels like caring for myself in my body right now?”
“Ask yourself, ‘What feels like caring for myself in my body right now?’”
(As I typed that out, I asked myself that question, and my body responded with, “Feed me! I want an egg on a slice of sourdough with cheese.” So, I paused writing this blog and went and did what my body needed so that I could show up more fully in the rest of this blog.)
Answering the question of “What feels like caring…” isn’t always the easiest thing to do, admittedly. Especially in the beginning, we’ll get confused between our ego, programs and patterns, and what our bodies and souls actually are trying to communicate with us. That’s okay. Let that be whatever it is; let yourself make the mistake and listen to the ego or program rather than your true self and then learn from it. If you keep showing up for yourself and you allow yourself to learn more about how to listen to your body and soul, you’ll get it eventually.
Prefer to watch a video or listen to this conversation? Click the button below to head to my YouTube channel for the verbal conversation.
I used to think that self-care was watching the movie or binging the TV series while eating whatever I could shove into my mouth and sipping on a cocktail. It felt good, I thought I felt less stressed and more rested, so it must have been self-care, right?
Then, I grew and evolved and recognized that really wasn’t self-care. I needed to give my body regular exercise and choose healthier food and drink options. So, I started doing that and got a little closer to the truth about self-care for my body and soul.
When I had my spiritual awakening, I realized that while I had made some headway, I needed to give myself time to meditate every day. To sit in silence with myself and learn how to recognize that still small voice within and differentiate it from my ego and patterns. Therefore, I incorporated meditation into my self-care routine.
Now, I’ve uncovered a deeper layer to my self-care: I have to get off the couch or out of the office chair and start cleaning, organizing, and purging the stuff in my home. I keep wanting to use artistic expression as a form of self-care, but find myself unable to get into it, in spite of having all the supplies I could need to start painting, drawing, playing my clarinet again, etc. But here’s what I’ve learned today: Self-care is not about staying in your comfort zone.
Let me say that again so it can really sink in.
“Self-care is not about staying in your comfort zone.”
What that means for me, is that I have to start facing the overwhelming piles of stuff I have throughout my house and garage. I need to let myself feel all the discomfort and yuck of not knowing where to start or how to make progress through it so that I can create space in my life for more. I can’t keep trying to move more things into my life (e.g., artistic pursuits) when I haven’t allowed what is ready to leave to actually get moved out.
One small example of a pile in my living room.
What are you avoiding because it challenges your perception of self-care or takes you out of your comfort zone? Oh, and a side note here: Your comfort zone could be chaotic, fatigued, burnt-out, overgiving and deeply hurtful to you–and you know it–but it’s all you’ve ever known so you don’t know how to actually give up what you know is hurting you.
Do you need to take more time to sit down and rest? Do you need to ask for help completing all the things instead of always doing them all by yourself? Do you need to let go of control by letting someone else do something for you or around the house, even though it’s not “perfect” or “how you would have done it?”
My self-care right now is taking more action to cleanse my physical space. Maybe yours is taking more breaks and resting. Or role-modeling for your kids how to sit with your emotions and feel the hard things without letting them break you (my Self-Love Masterclass can help you learn how to do that).
As you start to dive deeper into you and figure this all out, remember that every step is absolutely perfect, even if it turns out to be a step backwards. Why? Because it was a choice you made and that means you get to learn from it and grow in ways you didn’t know you could. Your ego might simply be trying to stay alive by keeping the programs and patterns active and manipulating you every chance it gets, but your soul and your body have your back. They truly want what is best for you–and they know that what is best is so much better than you think is best for you. So let it unfold naturally. Stop trying to control every little moment and how things “should” look.
Your soul and your body don’t live with “shoulds.” These are limitations and just serve to keep you in your tiny little box that you think is an entire world. Get to know the real world by letting your soul and body expand your perception of what is possible. Let them guide you in your journey.
You’ve got this. And if you feel like you could use more of these types of conversations, then join my online community, Embodied. We have live calls (which are recorded and put up in the member library), embodiment practices, guided meditations, and access to other courses and offerings from LL Coaching. You can be part of it month-by-month or save a little and join a year at a time. It’s your choice and your choice is absolutely perfect (even when you can’t see it).
